Mad Englishman

I've met some complete lunatics on my travels, some on the verge of breakdowns, some I have no idea how they managed to get a passport to leave the country.  It's all part of the experience but when they latch on to you it can be a bit awkward.

When I had been in China for a few months one of the Chinese girls that I worked with asked me if I'd mind meeting a friend of her boyfriend who was coming to the city I lived in but he didn't know anyone.  I agreed not really thinking much of it at the time.  A mate of mine agreed to come with me to meet him.  I met the guy in a pub.  When I walked in the door of the pub I immediately saw two dudes sitting at a table and I turned to my mate and said "For fucks sake, please don't be these two", of course it was.

The guy was dressed as though he was a member of the aristocracy, all he needed was a monocle.  His face was bright red from too much booze.  Sitting next to him was a six foot six American who immediately informed us he was half American Indian.  He didn't look American Indian, but you have to give people the benefit of the doubt.  The English guy then kept telling me how great it was to meet me.  An odder couple you could not have met.

In the next hour or so the American told stories about how great he was, how much women love him, how he was going to go into import export.  The English guy just sat there sinking pints and occasionally trying to start conversations about the architecture of cinemas.  Apparently he used to be a cinema manager.  As well as talking about the architecture of cinemas he kept telling me how great it was to meet me and how great friends we were going to become.

After a couple of hours of the American talking nonsense and the English guy becoming increasingly eccentric we made our excuses and left.  I thought that was the last time I would ever see him but he rang me a couple of months later saying he was coming to Chengdu and he wanted to meet up.  I felt bad about saying no so I again had to endure a day of him telling me how great a time we were having, how great China was.  Oh and cinema architecture.

About a year ago I was in Mc Donalds and he walked in, while he was queuing up he kept looking at me.  He walked over to me and said "I know you from somewhere", I told him he had the wrong person.  Two other foreigners then came over and said "come on Oliver, time to go", then apologised to me.  It was like they were taking him out on a special needs day trip.  Luckily I never heard from him again.